If you decide to visit to someone, it's important to think about the risks of getting or spreading coronavirus. You should consider if there's any risk to yourself, the person who is dying, and others who are living, visiting or providing care there.
It can be extremely hard to decide not to visit the person. You might have difficult feelings like, guilt, resentment and sadness. You may also feel relieved if you've been worried about visiting. Remember, the pandemic has caused exceptional circumstances and things may not be in your control.
The government says you should not visit other people if you have coronavirus. This is to help stop coronavirus spreading. If someone you live with or have come into contact with has coronavirus, the rules depend on where you live. Check your government website for more information:. If the person you want to visit is at the end of their life, you could check if there are any exceptions to the rules, or ways you can see them outside or through a window.
There may be circumstances where it's not possible to visit, no matter how much you want to see someone. If you decide not to visit, it can be difficult to know how to tell them.
If the person cannot communicate or is too unwell to speak, talk to the doctor, nurse or care home staff looking after them. When someone important to you is in the final moments of their life, nothing can replace being with them.
Current restrictions might mean you cannot be there to hold their hand, comfort them and say goodbye. It's understandable if you feel angry, heartbroken, distressed and overwhelmed by the situation. It may be possible to speak to them by phone or video call. But it's not the same as being there in person, and it can be a distressing experience — especially if they're not well enough to talk to you. It's OK if you decide not to do this. You may find there are other ways you can feel close to them, such as:.
Read our blog about supporting someone if you cannot visit. You may be supporting a child or young person who also wants to visit the person at the end of their life. It can be difficult to know how to explain the situation or the best way to support them, especially if they're very young.
You could try talking to them about how they're feeling and asking if they have any questions. Try to be open, honest, and to include them where possible. They might find it helpful to do some of the things above, like video calling the person or writing them a letter.
They could also make the person a card, or make a diary about their week to share with them. Read more about supporting children and young people when someone is terminally ill.
It can be painful knowing someone important to you is dying when you cannot see them. Saying goodbye is personal. You may find other things bring you comfort if you cannot say goodbye face-to-face. You might question or disagree with the options for care that the patient or their healthcare proxy have chosen, but the plan of care was decided based on the wishes and best interests of the patient. Offer specific, tangible help.
Dealing with a major illness can be overwhelming. Suggestions of help include:. No one can predict when that last minute will come so waiting for it puts a huge burden on you. Keep visits short: About 20 to 30 minutes is enough. Being with people is tiring for me. You two can talk to each other; I can listen. Speak clearly and not too quickly: My brain has slowed down and it takes me longer to absorb and process information. I may be simply too tired to open my eyes.
Just being there to hold their hand and let them vent can be helpful. What they are going through is scary and overwhelming. Just being there to sit with them and let them express how they are feeling can be more than enough. Since the future is unknown, make sure your satisfied with your goodbye. Make sure that they know how important they are to you and that your goodbye is heartfelt.
We hope this blog post has demonstrated why you should visit a dying friend. We understand that you may feel uneasy about making the visit, but we ensure you will feel good about yourself afterwards. Plus your friend will greatly appreciate your presence. For more tips and advice, do not hesitate to reach out to us. Horst, G.
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